Are you feeling disconnected from your partner? Do you wish you could read their mind to know what they think about you, your relationship, and life itself? Well, you don’t need to! We’ve listed 7 relationship check-in questions to help you and your partner dive in together and keep that spark burning bright!
Yes, we all know how communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, but here we’re inviting you to go even further. More than spurring interesting moments of open and honest conversation, relationship check-ins allow couples to look at their relationship through each other’s eyes and feel seen, heard, and understood.
Another thing we know — and experienced firsthand for sure — is how easily we can get caught up in our work, household, and family to-dos and keep piling things on top of our relationships. So, in the midst of all these pressing responsibilities, it’s natural for couples to make assumptions about how the relationship is going, rather than just asking each other and talking about it.
But if we’re already so busy, how are we going to make time for deep, intricate conversations? Well, think of relationship check-ins as a kind of love and intimacy piggy bank — every minute you put into it you’re saving yourself from bigger issues down the line and ensuring you’re working toward the same goals.
So, whether you’re just starting a relationship or already in the long run, these check-in questions can help you get on the same page and strengthen your connection.
Why Regular Relationship Check-Ins Are Important?
Relationship check-ins can serve as a protective measure — a way for couples to step away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life and refocus their attention and energy on each other.
By setting aside dedicated time for regular relationship check-ins, couples can:
- Create a safe and nurturing space where they can express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns without judgment or interruption.
- Identify and address potential conflicts before they escalate into larger, more contentious issues.
- Align goals, aspirations, and priorities and work together as a team to achieve them.
How Can I Introduce Check-in Questions in My Relationship?
Creating new habits can feel daunting, especially when they involve opening up about your feelings and letting yourself be vulnerable. So, our suggestion is to start small. Begin with just one or two simple questions and gradually increase the number and depth as both feel more comfortable worth it.
In preparation for your first relationship check-in, one important aspect to consider is choosing a time that works for both. Think of a time when you and your partner are relaxed and free from distractions. We know that it can be tempting to have these talks while you’re doing laundry or getting dinner ready, but for it to be a true moment of connection you need to be completely focused.
Another helpful tip is to establish some ground rules from the get-go, such as active listening, speaking honestly yet respectfully, showing empathy, and avoiding negative attitudes that can block communication (e.g. unhelpful criticism, throwing blame around, or stonewalling).
Now that we have laid the foundation, let’s move on to the actual relationship check-in questions. While there are countless possibilities you can explore, we have selected 7 to help you get started. And remember: keep at your own pace!
7 Relationship Check-In Questions for Couples to Strengthen Their Connection
1. What are 3 things you appreciate about our relationship right now?
As humans, we tend to pay more attention to the bad things that happen than the positive ones— it’s called negative bias. That’s why this question is crucial for couples.
Focusing your attention on the strengths of your relationship and celebrating them together fosters a greater sense of appreciation and intimacy. Moreover, a recent study showed that “strength scanning” — which means recognizing your partner’s character strengths — increases relationship satisfaction.
2. What do we need to improve in our relationship?
This is a chance for you and your partner to be honest about any unresolved issues, unmet needs, and desires for improvement. By asking this question, you are making room for growth and committing to working together on the relationship.
Just remember, this is not about judging or criticizing each other but getting in sync about how you want to move forward as a couple.
3. What makes you feel loved?
This can be a starting point to explore your love languages — how you like to give and receive love and affection in a relationship.
We often focus more on the receiving part, our own needs and wants, but by asking this question we’re showing your partner that it matters to you how much they feel loved and appreciated. And that you want to do it in the language that they’re most fluent in.
4. What excites you most about our sex life?
Starting a conversation about sex can feel intimidating, at least at first sight. But what if we told you that it can also be arousing?
Sharing with your partner about what makes your toes curl (literally) or reminiscing about that one really great time can help reignite your “erotic energy” and leave you craving for more.
5. Do you feel supported, and is there anything I can do to better support you?
There’s a lot in our relationships that we label as “it goes without saying” or “they should have known” that gets in the way of us actively asking for help. But the truth is that none of us have mind-reading abilities, and yet, we all have a lot more to gain from feeling supported.
In fact, research suggests that people who receive more emotional support from their partners report less anxiety and depression and a more positive mood. By encouraging vulnerability and offering support you are creating a strong foundation of mutual growth and encouragement.
6. Are there any activities you want us to try out together?
Are you trying out new things and creating new experiences? Do you laugh and enjoy each other’s company? Making time for each other and having fun together is essential for nurturing connection and intimacy within your relationship.
Exploring new activities and hobbies can reignite passion and create lasting memories.
7. Is there anything you’re worried about that you haven’t told me yet?
Lastly, this question opens up the dialogue for sharing concerns and insecurities and being vulnerable with one another. It can also remind you that you are in this together and can tackle these challenges as a team!
Start Couples Therapy or Marriage Counseling in Baltimore, MD
Are you feeling insecure about introducing these relationship check-in questions to your partner? Do you feel it would be easier with the guidance of an experienced professional? Checking in on your relationship with the support of a couples therapist can help you feel more at ease and build a strong foundation to prevent bigger issues down the line.
Our Baltimore therapists can help you reconnect, rediscover intimacy and romance, and make sure your spark will keep burning bright! Talk to us to know more, or schedule a free 15-minute consultation here.
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