Wondering why it’s so hard to make friends as an adult? When life gets busy and routines take over, friendships can feel out of reach. Here are 5 practical tips from our relationship experts to help you make space for real, meaningful connections.
When you were a kid, making friends was probably not even on your mind. It was as easy as going outside to play, sitting next to someone in class, or joining a team. Friendships just happened.
But making friends as an adult? That’s a very different story. These days, we’re rarely in situations where meeting people—and having the time to actually connect—feels easy or natural.
Our schedules are packed. We’re often stuck in a work-to-home routine, and for those working remotely, even that work-related social exposure disappears. Add in family responsibilities, errands, and the ever-growing to-do list, and suddenly our hobbies and social life fall to the bottom of the list.
But here’s the catch: if we don’t make time in our lives to meet new people, how can we make new friends?
Time is actually a huge part of the friendship equation. A study asked precisely that question: “How many hours does it take to make a friend?” Researchers found that it takes about 140 hours to form a good friendship and 300 hours to reach best-friend status. That’s a lot of time to fit into our already full lives.
So the next question is: is it worth it?
Why Adult Friendships Matter So Much?
While romantic relationships often get the spotlight, friendships are just as crucial—if not more so—for our happiness and well-being. Romantic partners may come and go, but a good friend sticks with us through thick and thin, not because of obligation or social convention, but because they choose to.
And if that emotional support isn’t reason enough, there’s plenty of research to back up the health benefits of strong friendships:
- Living longer: Research shows that friendships are key to longevity. Studies consistently show that adults with close friends are significantly more likely to live longer.
- Lower risk of health issues: Meaningful friendships protect you from loneliness and social isolation, but they also boost mental and physical health, reducing the risk of depression, high blood pressure, unhealthy weight, and even heart disease. Good friends are literally good for your heart!
- Stress relief: Having a solid social network helps you better cope with stress. You can vent, share your struggles, and gain perspective by seeing how others handle their challenges.
So, Why Is It So Hard to Make Friends as an Adult?
Yes, time and busy routines are big constraints—but it doesn’t stop there. We all carry baggage from past experiences: friendships that faded, betrayals, disappointments. As we get older, it becomes harder to put ourselves out there and risk getting hurt again.
We get more guarded, more comfortable in our routines, and less open to giving new people a chance.
We also become more selective about who we let into our lives. When we were younger, it was enough to be in the same class or live on the same street. But as adults, proximity isn’t always a plus. In fact, too much proximity, like with a coworker or neighbor, can feel risky. If things don’t work out, we still have to see them, and that can get awkward.
Now, we weigh more factors when we meet someone: lifestyle, values, interests, and even political beliefs. We wonder how they might fit into our world—will they get along with our partner? Our friends? Our kids? Making friends becomes a more intentional, slower process, which can make it feel overwhelming to even start.
Still, we are social beings. We need the giving and receiving, as well as the having and sharing (we couldn’t talk about making friends without quoting F.R.I.E.N.D.S, right?). And we don’t get any of that if we don’t make the effort. It takes time, but it’s absolutely worth it!
5 Tips to Help You Make Friends As an Adult
1. Try new things
We’re not saying you should try something new just to fish for friends, but stepping outside your routine definitely creates more opportunities for connection.
Say yes to that art class you’ve been considering. Accept the invite to try a new sport or activity. Even if you don’t meet someone right away, engaging in new experiences boosts dopamine, improves your mood, and keeps you open to more social interactions in the future.
2. Join a workout class or a team sport
When we think about making friends as adults, the gym often comes to mind. But let’s be honest, chatting with strangers mid-rep and sweaty can feel pretty intimidating.
A workout class or team sport, on the other hand, gives you natural points of interaction. You’ll see the same people regularly and have a built-in topic to bond over, which can help conversations flow more easily.
3. Your friends’ friends can be your friends
One of the easiest and most organic ways to meet new people is through your current circle. Your friends’ friends already come with a “seal of approval”, so there’s a good chance you’ll have something in common to talk about—like sharing embarrassing stories about your mutual friend (with love, of course).
If we’re okay being set up on dates, why not let someone set us up on a friend date? Let’s activate those connections!
4. Cultivate your hobbies
What if you could do something you love and meet like-minded people while you’re at it? Whether it’s a cooking class, book club, or even a board game group, hobbies naturally create opportunities to connect—and those shared interests make great conversation starters.
5. Leverage your pet’s cuteness
This one’s for all the pet lovers. Dog parks, neighborhood walks, and even vet visits offer little windows to strike up a conversation. If someone stops to coo over your dog or show off a photo of their cat, take the opportunity—you already have something warm and joyful in common.
And hey—if your furry friend likes them, that’s a good sign. Pets are pretty good judges of character.
Find Support to Improve Your Relationships in Baltimore, MD
Do you ever feel like you missed the memo on how to make friends as an adult? Missing the days when friendship just happened on the playground or over the same desk?
Our Baltimore-based relationship therapists can help you explore what’s getting in the way of connection, build confidence in social situations, and make room in your life for meaningful, lasting friendships. Reach out to know more, or schedule a free 15-minute consultation here.
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