Most of us think about the movie Titanic as a beautiful love story or as a tragic story based on the true sinking of the RMS Titanic. But, have you ever thought about the Titanic as a widow’s story? What can the Titanic teach us about grief and loss? Check out this moving reflection from our grief counseling expert and widow.
Who didn’t love the movie Titanic? The historical significance, the chilling music, the intensity of its sinking scenes, and of course…. Jack and Rose’s love story. It held the all-time box office gross record for a reason.
But the Titanic goes beyond the typical love story, it also tells us about tremendous pain and loss. So the question is: what can the Titanic teach us about grief?
Titanic: a Love Story or a Widow’s Story?
Like many fans, I was a kid the first time I saw it in theatres. Call it an ominous coincidence or one hell of a plot point, but I couldn’t stop thinking about how different Rose’s life would have been if Jack had lived. I can vividly remember envisioning Rose’s would-be life, and each one of my imaginary stories would have a childish “happily ever after” ending simply because Jack didn’t die.
The second time I saw Titanic, I was a thirty-something-year-old widow. As the ending credits started to roll, I was sitting on the couch in my apartment. Steve and I had picked out the same couch only eight months before, and I was in awe — Titanic was a widow’s story! I didn’t need to re-imagine Rose’s life this time. I didn’t have to.
Experts in the field of bereavement posit that it’s normal to experience grief as all-encompassing, particularly in its earliest stages. And as time has that funny way of marching on, we too are expected to go on living. Sometimes our lives do in fact return to some resemblance of routine, but for so many others, significant parts of our identity, our lives, and our worlds go down with the ship.
Moving On While Holding On
Finding your “why” to keep going is likened to the only light you have in what feels like complete darkness. For some, their reasons to persevere are clearly visible. For others, coming up with just one reason to survive loss can feel futile.
When I made promises to Steve, I wasn’t facing imminent death if I didn’t find the will to escape icy cold waters, but I did pledge to keep going and to actualize my life’s goals in a way that would make him proud. When I made these promises, it was also the last time I would speak to Steve before he died. Following through on my word has been and continues to be my most significant lifeline.
My love for Steve can no longer be measured by conventionally human standards. We no longer speak, touch, laugh, or live the way we used to, but somehow, the weight of his presence has never been heavier.
Rose’s keeping of the famed heart of the ocean necklace is emblematic of widowhood.
By all logical accounts, no one suspects that she still possesses it, and why should they when there are no visible attestations? Despite the seemingly meaningless point in keeping it, we, the viewers, find out that she has held it with her for the entirety of her life. We can only infer that by keeping it, she carries with her the love she lost, the life she had, and the promises she made.
And it is only when she prepares to leave this physical life that she finally lets go of it.
What the Titanic Teach Us about Grief and Loss
When the most essential people pass away, it’s not momentous for some time but for a lifetime. We honor those we lost in ways that are meaningful to us.
One of my favorite widow moments in the film is after Rose tells her story. One of the ship’s expeditioners says to her: “We never found anything on Jack. There’s no record of him at all.”
Rose’s response effortlessly illustrates how a physically severed bond between two people can never fully be broken: “A woman’s heart is a deep ocean of secrets. But now you know there was a man named Jack Dawson and that he saved me… in every way that a person can be saved.”
From this, we understand that Rose does not need anyone to validate Jack’s existence and importance. A true bond between people is eternal in memory and impact.
Hope can play a crucial role in the process of finding meaning in a loss.
When people experience a significant loss, they often grapple with questions about the purpose and significance of their grief. The last and arguably most powerful scene in the film is demonstrative of hope actualized. Rose is reunited with Jack in what is understood to be the afterlife.
The idea of reuniting with our loved ones in a different realm or existence provides us with solace. It also reminds us of the people we used to be and the places that were once so meaningful when our loved ones were alive. As Rose is drifting into this dream-like sequence, she finds herself back on the Titanic, which is fully restored to its former glory.
The people we have loved and lost are forever contained in a special time and place that cannot be forgotten.
Grief Counseling in Baltimore, MD
Are you struggling with the loss of a loved one, a terminal illness, or the end of a relationship? Loss can take up many forms and affect us in different ways throughout our lives.
Grief counseling can help you deal with the aftermath of loss and navigate through the uncertainty that comes with it. Our therapists in Baltimore will help you deal with any painful emotions and decisions and work with you to move forward in your journey toward healing. You don’t have to face it alone! Contact us to know more.
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